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   reading time: 8 min






Today's blogpost is sort of a follow-up to my recent post on How To Marie Kondo Your Life (and not just your stuff), 'cause it seems like I'm doing a different kind of spring cleaning this year.

On today's agenda: decluttering limiting belief systems!

Have you ever felt stuck in a certain area in your life, or even several areas? Perhaps you were unhappy at your workplace, quit, got a new job, and felt equally miserable there?
Or perhaps you feel like all your relationships end in the same way, like you're going in circles?

Then it's time to get rid of the underlying negative beliefs and thought patterns.


1) Take Inventory

Take a pen and a piece of paper.

Write down any negative beliefs and thoughts that come to mind.
These can be common phrases ("money can't buy happiness", "business before pleasure" etc.) or recurring fears
or thoughts that you keep thinking ("I don't have enough money", "I am ugly", "you can't trust other people" etc.).

If none come to mind, look at your life. Look at your circumstances. In which areas of your life are you struggling? Where are things not going well?

(Areas of your life could be health, family, friends, love, work, money, personal growth, environment etc.)

Look at one of the areas you feel stuck in. Take some time and ask yourself: What negative thoughts or beliefs could be related to that area in my life? What kind of thoughts could be creating these conditions?
 
For example, if money is always tight, no matter what you do and how hard you work, this is a sure sign that you have negative or limiting beliefs about money and self-worth. Write them down! If you feel lonely and left out by everyone in your life, chances are you have negative or limiting beliefs about friendships and, again, self-worth.

Spoiler alert: You may find that most, if not all, of our limiting beliefs have to do with self-worth, or not feeling "good enough".


2) Trace It Back

In order to remove our limiting beliefs, it is important to know where they come from. When we are born, we are tiny babies filled with love and acceptance. We love our bodies, and we don't feel any shame or guilt for anything. So what happened between then and now?

Where did we get those ideas, those feelings of being unlovable and unworthy and not good enough?

Think back to your childhood. Did your parents, other relatives, friends, neighbours, teachers, or other authority figures ever say anything negative about you or life in general that has stuck with you to this day? For instance, our landlady lived next door to us, and she didn't really like kids and the noise and mess they make, so whenever I would play on the lawn around the house, I would get scolded by her. This made me believe that I wasn't welcome, that I was too loud and that playing and having fun is something forbidden or bad. Yikes.

I am sure you also have inner stories like that – that you still consciously or subconsciously tell yourself to this day!


Look at your list of negative beliefs. How do you feel when reading them? For example, if one of your listed beliefs is "I don't have any true friends", this might make you feel lonely, rejected, or incapable. In other words: not good enough. When have you felt like this in the past? Can you see a pattern?

Then ask yourself: What is the first memory in my life where I felt exactly like this? Did someone say something to me or about me?

In novel writing, we talk about the main character's misbelief or false belief that was usually formed prior to the beginning of the story, and is sometimes revealed in their backstory. In order to succeed on their journey, the character has to understand and overcome their misbelief at the end of the book.

This is your backstory. This is your misbelief.
(or rather, several misbeliefs!)


Where possible, write down next to every single listed belief where it came from. Who told you,
explicitly or implicitly, that this was "true"?


3) Challenge Your Beliefs

In order to invalidate your current negative beliefs, read your list of negative beliefs out loud. Then challenge each of the beliefs by asking the following questions:
 
1) Is this really true? 
2) Is it always like this? Is it like this for everyone? Can you think of any contrary evidence?
3) What would your life be like without this belief?

I'll give you an example. If you, like me, were raised in a society that believes in "working hard" to earn a living, you might be convinced that work must be exhausting, unfulfilling, unpleasant and tough. Otherwise it wouldn't be called "work", right? ... Let's verify.

1) Is this really true? Does work always have to be hard and unpleasant? – So far, my work experiences have been unpleasant and stressful. But I can't say for sure if it has to be that way.
2) Is it always like this? Is it like this for everyone? Can you think of any contrary evidence? – Well, I know that my dad loves what he does for a living, even to the extent that he does it in his free time as well. And I know that Brandon Sanderson loves writing so much so that he even wrote 4 extra novels in secret. Other people like Rachel Maksy, Merphy Napier, Dylan Is In Trouble etc. have also repeatedly said that they love what they do for a living. So I guess, there are people who enjoy and even love their work, AND they earn good money with it.
3) What would your life be like without this belief? – Without this belief, I would be more hopeful, confident and even determined to find an occupation that will bring me joy and money!

Perhaps you can even go so far as to "debunk" your negative belief. For example, you might come to the realization that your
enjoyment of your work would actually make your work more valuable, therefore making it more likely to get paid for it. See? You can allow your work to be easy, effortless and fun for you!


4) Transform Your Beliefs

Negative or limiting beliefs are not helpful. If you keep telling yourself "I never have enough money", this will not get you more money. Instead, it will probably make your more depressed and anxious about this lack of money you are constantly reiterating. If you change it to a positive thought like "I am open and receptive to new opportunities of income
", it might actually motivate and uplift you. You can only think one thought at a time. Why not make it a beneficial one?

So take your list of negative beliefs about yourself and your life, and rephrase them into something more helpful. Here are a few examples:
 
Negative, obstructive belief: I don't have what is takes to be successful.
Positive, constructive belief: I have everything I need to accomplish what I want to accomplish.

or

Negative, obstructive belief: I don't have enough time to do the things I love.
Positive, constructive belief: I can manage my time in a way that allows me to focus on the things that are important to me.
 
or

Negative, obstructive belief: I hate my boss.
Positive, constructive belief: I treat my boss with kindness and compassion, and we have a peaceful relationship.
 
It is crucial to this step that the new positive, constructive belief is believable to you. For example, you can't just jump from "I'm chronically ill" to "I am completely healthy". You won't believe yourself because it isn't currently true. Instead, say something like "I am becoming healthier and stronger every day".

If changing a negative belief into a positive one seems "impossible", rephrase it into a question instead. So instead of feeding your mind with thoughts like "I'm chronically ill", feed it with a request: "What can I do to become healthier and stronger?"

Repeat your new positive thoughts like daily affirmations, ideally every morning and every night. In other words: Practice positive brainwashing 😜
 

5) Watch Your Words

The same way you can transform your way of thinking, you can transform your speech.
Don't say anything that you don't want to come true. You wouldn't put up a poster promoting something that went against your own values either, would you?

The next time you catch yourself making limiting statements like "I can't do that", "I can't believe I was so stupid!", "nobody loves me" etc.
take note of it and lovingly rephrase it into a more helpful message, such as "I am doing the best I can" or "Next time I will be more mindful" or "I love and accept myself, and I let that love radiate out into the world".

Again, make sure that you believe what you are saying.

»Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.«

― Lao Tzu 


6) Burn It, Baby!

Some negative beliefs are easier to release than others. If you find yourself having a very stubborn negative belief, try this method: Write the negative belief on a small piece of paper. Allow any feelings that are still connected to this belief to rise to the surface. If you like, you can say something like: "Thank you for your service, but I don't need you any more!"

Then burn the piece of paper in a fireproof container. Imagine the negative belief to dissolve.



7) Be Patient

Don't limit yourself again by setting yourself a time limit for "success". Trust the process. Trust that you have already begun changing and dissolving your negative beliefs and thought patterns. Don't give up on yourself when change isn't coming as quickly as you want it to come. Just as a physical injury will take time to heal, so does your thinking. It won't help if you keep poking at it to see if it's healing.

Also, there is no need to feel bad for every negative thought you catch yourself thinking. Chances are, you have been thinking these thoughts for most of your life already. Just pause. Say to yourself: "This is an old thought. I no longer choose to think that way." And let it go. Find a positive, or constructive thought (or sentence) to think (or say) instead.

And that's how you eventually overcome your limiting beliefs, one tiny step at a time.

You can do it. I trust in your abilities. Do you trust yourself? If not, what limiting belief lies beneath this thought ...? 🤗



♥

Maisy

  reading time: 3 min




Who is in the mood for a thick slice of honey spice cake?

🙋🏼‍♀️

While this cake isn't part of the books nor the Netflix series, the recipe for a certain Honey Spice Cake appears in the expansion of the video game The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt called Blood and Wine during the "Spoontaneous Profits!" treasure hunt quest. The ingredients for this cake by the fictional chef Ram'ses Gor-Thon are actually mentioned in the game (raw buckwheat honey, spelt flour, butter, Zerrikanian spices, eggs, cow's milk, and rock salt).

This spiced honey cake is flavourful, moist and the right kind of sweet – with a hint of buckwheat, beer and vanilla.

The warming spices and the earthy taste of the beer mixed with the sweetness of the honey make this cake the perfect treat on a dreary winter day.


Geralt is ready to slice up some honey spice cake ... or something like that. 😏 (source)


This recipe is part of my nerdy baking series where I post (vegan) recipes of foods from some of my favourite works of fiction. So far I've covered the usual suspects, The Lord of the Rings / The Hobbit, Harry Potter / Fantastic Beasts, Game of Thrones, and Star Wars (sort of), but also The Witcher, Avatar – The Last Airbender, The Dragon Prince, and Chocolat.

And no, I haven't gotten over the fact that Henry Cavill will not be returning to The Witcher after season 3, which basically means that I won't be returning to watching it after season 3, but hey ... it's not like there's a shortage of shows and movies to watch instead.


🎶 Toss a coin to your Witcher, o Valley of Plenty, o Valley of Plenty! Oooh –
Toss a coin to your Witcher, a friend of humanity ... 🎶
 
(by the way, I really love the Rachel Hardy's cover of that song!)


THE WITCHER'S VEGAN HONEY SPICE CAKE

Preparation time: 1 h
Main ingredients: spelt flour, buckwheat flour, honey, beer
difficulty level: easy
serves: 10–14 (1 bundt cake)
suitable for: vegan, lactose-free, wheat-free, egg-free, soy-free, yeast-free

Ingredients

for the cake:
3 cups spelt flour (I did 2 cups type 1050, and 1 cup type 630)
1 cup whole-grain buckwheat flour

1 packet (15 g) baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp rock salt
1 tbsp gingerbread spice (or a mix of 4 parts ground cinnamon, 2 parts ground allspice, 1 part ground ginger, and 1 part ground cardamom)
a pinch of ground nutmeg

1/2 cup vegan margarine
1/2 cup light brown or raw cane sugar
1 cup honey or vegan honee (or sub golden syrup or maple syrup)
1 cup non-dairy milk
1 cup light beer
1 tsp apple cider vinegar or lemon juice
2 tsp vanilla extract

for the frosting:
6 tbsp vegan cream cheese
2 tbsp vegan butter, softened
2 tbsp runny honey or golden syrup
3 tbsp non-dairy milk

1 tsp vanilla extract
pinch of salt

cinnamon, to sprinkle


Instructions

Pre-heat oven to 180 °C / 350 °F. Grease and lightly flour a bundt tin, and set aside.
 
In a mixing bowl combine spelt flour, buckwheat flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, gingerbread spice and ground nutmeg.

In a separate large mixing bowl beat vegan margarine and sugar until light and fluffy, using an electric mixer. Beat in the honey. Add non-dairy milk, light beer, apple cider vinegar or lemon juice, and vanilla extract. Mix well to combine.

Gradually add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, beating until you have a nice smooth batter.

Pour the batter into the prepared bundt pan, and
bake in the preheated oven for about 30 minutes at 180 °C / 350 °F, until golden and a toothpick inserted into the centre of the cake comes out clean.

Remove from oven and allow to cool for 5-10 minutes before turning it out onto a cooling rack.

Let the cake cool completely before spooning over the frosting.

To make the frosting:


Using a fork or an electric mixer, blend together vegan cream cheese, softened vegan butter, runny honey, non-dairy milk, vanilla extract, and salt. It should be smooth and thick, but still flowing.

When the cake is cold, spoon over the frosting, letting it drip down the sides. Sprinkle with a little cinnamon.


Enjoy!




TIPS & NOTES:

- For a bit of buzz, add 1-2 tbsp of rum to the batter.
- For a "darker" flavour, replace the light beer in the recipe with cold coffee or strong black tea.
- For a more fruity flavour, you can add the zest of 1 organic orange to the batter. Or replace part of the plant-based milk in the recipe with fresh orange juice.


Geralt thinks my honey spice cake is great. Or something like that. (source)



Looking for more nerdy recipes? Check out some of my other fiction inspired creations:

Ciri's Beer Potage (vegan)
Madam Rosmerta's Butterbeer (vegan)
Beorn's Honey Cakes (vegan)


♥

Maisy




  reading time: 6 min





Today's blogpost was inspired by an acquaintance of my boyfriend who told him that she applied Marie Kondo's decluttering method not only to physical possessions, but also to every other aspect of her life. This got me thinking, and I came up with these 3 ways to "Marie Kondo" your life – and not just your stuff.

If you haven't heard of Marie Kondo by now, you're probably a cave troll living under a big cosy rock, but I'm happy to enlighten you in this case 🤓

Marie Kondō, also known as Konmari,
is a Japanese organizing consultant and author of the best-selling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (2011). She also appeared in the Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, which I enjoyed very much, as well as the follow-up show Sparking Joy with Marie Kondo. She is probably most famous for her motto to only keep things that "spark joy", which makes up a great part of her so-called KonMari method. Another significant part of her method is to go through your belongings one category at a time, starting with clothing, and gathering everything from each category in one place before taking every item into your hands and deciding whether to keep it or not.

So let's apply the philosophy of "If it doesn't spark joy, let it go" to other areas of our life that don't have anything to do with physical clutter.


1) Declutter Your Social Events

I think I'm not the only one who has repeatedly gone to social "obligations" and events, either for the fear of missing out or out of guilt or because I didn't want to let anyone down – and almost always regretted it because I didn't actually want to go. What ever it may be for you, I want to invite you to ask yourself: Which events or appointments spark joy? And which do not? If they don't spark joy, is there a way to decline these events? Why do you feel the need to attend this event in the first place?

I think it is extremely important to communicate our needs and feelings honestly and authentically. And yes, this sometimes means putting your own needs before those of others! I think of it like an airplane emergency: You first put on your own oxygen mask before you help your child or other people.

In Sadia's video about designing a simple life (minimalist habits), she also talks about essentialism and the importance of saying no. Essentialism as per Greg McKeown is essentially the idea of committing your time and energy to the "vital few" aspects in your life rather than the "trivial many". It is a less-but-better approach, or quality-over-quantity. For everything you say yes to, you say no to everything else. So let the things you say yes to, be in alignment with your core values. What matters the most for you? Health, time in nature, spending time with good friends, family, creativity, sustainability ...?

Sadia combines this principle with the so-called endowment effect when it comes to social obligations by asking herself: If I didn't have the opportunity to attend this event, would I put in the effort to create the opportunity myself?

If the answer is a no*, be brave enough to stay true to yourself and say no to this event which will allow you in turn to say yes to something that is actually important – or rather, essential – to you.


*if it isn't a clear yes, it's a no!


2) Declutter Your Relationships

This might sound harsh, but "decluttering" your (platonic, romantic or familial)
relationships is actually not only the best thing for you to do but also for the other person. Or would you feel good in a friendship or partnership where the other person only spends time with you because they feel obligated, rather than actually enjoying your company?

So ask yourself, honestly: Which people spark joy?
Pay attention to who makes you feel exhausted, insecure, drained or depressed, and who makes you feel energized, safe, at home or more alive. Do you feel excited at the thought of meeting up with this person, whether friend, partner or relative? Or do you almost dread seeing them, or feel relieved when plans are cancelled? If the latter is the case, is it possible to stop spending time with them?
Again, you can ask yourself: If I wasn't friends with this person already, would I make a conscious effort to befriend them?

It can also help to make a list of qualities you want and need in a (platonic, romantic or familial) relationship, and compare these qualities to how you feel in each relationship. Of course, you don't always need to end a relationship right away when you feel unhappy or unseen. You can always talk it out first, communicate your needs, and see what happens.

If you still feel anxious, uncomfortable or crappy around them, I would advise you to part ways. T
his is as much about setting honest and healthy boundaries as saying no to something you don't want to do.


3) Declutter Your Habits

Habits are what make us succeed in life – they are the often unconscious patterns that form our routines, and with that our everyday lives. If your habits are not aligned with your values (your "essentials") and/or your goals in life, you are most likely not going to succeed. We want our habits to work for us, not against us.
 
So ask yourself: Which habits and/or activities spark joy? How can you give them more space in your life? Are there any habits that feel destructive rather than constructive that you can get rid of? Identify any habits that make you feel bad, empty, sluggish or drained. What keeps you doing these things?

For example, I noticed again and again that my habit of watching hours and hours of Netflix episodes or youtube videos (even if they were uplifting or educational) on our TV in order to relax made me feel very uncreative, unmotivated and like I was wasting my time or avoiding uncomfortable thoughts that actually needed to be faced. So after a few weeks of observing this issue, I decided to get rid of the TV.

It is way easier to replace a (bad) habit with a new (better) habit, rather than just getting rid of the old habit and leaving a void.
Are there any great habits you want to incorporate into your life, but haven't yet? Is there anything you've always wanted to do, but never got to do? What fulfils you? If you have trouble determining what you actually enjoy doing, think about what you loved to do as a kid. How can you incorporate more of the things that give you energy, rather than depleting you, into your day?

In my case, I re-arranged the living room so that there wouldn't be an empty spot – instead, there's lovely plants, crystals and a picture to look at now. I also spend my evenings reading novels instead which serve as a source of inspiration and education for my own writing.

Make any new beneficial habits as accessible as you can. For instance, if you want to paint more, keep your painting material within reach.
If you want to read more, have a book next to your bed or couch. It helps to treat a new habit like an appointment with yourself until it has become second nature (e.g. painting every day after dinner before sitting down to watch your favourite show or read a great book – using the method of habit-stacking as well as a reward system).

If you are unsure which habits are "bad" or unhealthy, take note of how you feel after a certain activity or thought pattern. If you feel energized, fulfilled or good about yourself, great! If you feel weary, stressed or meaningless, it's probably time to ditch that habit!



This way of "KonMari"-ing your life can be applied to any other area of your life, such as deciding on a holiday destination, what to share and who to follow on your social media, or reacting to a job offer (Does it spark joy?
If I didn't have the opportunity to ___, would I put in the effort to create the opportunity myself? ...).


Life is precious. Let it spark joy for you!



♥

Maisy
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